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Sunday, November 23, 2003

Upgrade System Problem 




Jenaka
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0.

In addition, Wife 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no available. What can i do?

Signed,
Desperate ZM



Dear Desperate ZM,

First keep in mind, Girlfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Wife 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Wife 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Wife 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoringloudly.wav files. Whatever you do , DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Girlfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Wife 1.0.

In summary, Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it has limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.

One more to add, force-usage of Wife 1.0 will cause rejection or deletion of Wife 1.0 program totally.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

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Saturday, November 22, 2003

Telur rebusku sayang.... 


Aku ada cerita ni... lawak la juga.. tapi jangan ketawa tau... Aku baru berkahwin setahun yang lepas dan duduk dengan isteri aku. Kami duduk berdua sahaja sebab belum dikurniakan anak. Aku ni ada satu kegemaran -iaitu makan telur rebus. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku suka makan telur rebus, sedap agaknya.

Sebelum aku kahwin, aku memang gila telur rebus. Pagi petang siang malam makan telur rebus. Tapi semenjak aku kahwin ni aku terpaksa berkorbanlah, iaitu dengan meninggalkan tabiat aku ini. Lama juga aku dah tak pekena telur rebus ni.. sebab orang rumah aku masak sedap-sedap.. so aku dah tak kisah lagilah..

Ceritanya begini, bulan lepas masa aku balik kerja, tiba-tiba kereta aku rosak.. akupun telefon bini aku katakan aku balik lambat sebab kena menapak. Sebab lapar akupun singgah satu kedai makan tu... ada telur rebus lah.. akupun makan nasi dengan telur rebus.. lepastu aku order telur rebus lebih lagi untuk diratah. Sebelum balik aku bungkus lagi 10 biji telur rebus untuk makan sambil berjalan balik nanti. Tiba je kat rumah aku rasa amatlah kenyang.. maklumlah balas dendam sebab lama tak pekena telur rebus. Sebelum aku masuk kerumah,i steri aku tiba-tiba cakap dia ada 'surprise' untuk aku malam ni. Dia suruh aku tutup mata dengan kain hitam yang diikat kemas dibelakang kepalaku. Dan dipimpinnya aku sampai ke meja makan. Aku duduk dikerusi dan isteriku pesan jangan cuba buka ikatan yang menutup mataku.

Aku nak pergi toilet sebab perutku mula buat hal, tapi malaslah nak spoilkan 'surprise' isteriku ini. Aku pun tahan ler... Tetiba telefon berbunyi, isteriku pergi mengangkatnya. Apa lagi ada chance aku pun melepaskan kentut yang ditahan sekian lama.. Fuuuuhhh lega rasanya... bau boleh tahan... maklumler berapa biji telur tah aku bedal tadi... Alamak.. ada lagi satu la.. aku pun angkat sebelah punggung dan lepaskan satu das lagi.. bunyinya PROOOTTT!! .. fuh bau jangan cakap beb.. aku pun tak tahan bau dia... aku kipas pakai tangan angin dia kasi kurang sikit bau dia... adalah macam bau telur tembelang sikit.. Tetiba aku dengar bunyi telefon berdering lagi... hai lamanya tunggu isteri aku ni, aku tak sabar lagi ni nak tahu surprise dia ni. Aku terasa ada lagilah, kali ni memang aku rasa power punyalah.. aku kumpul dulu kasi padu.. lepastu aku bangun, tonggeng sikit dan lepaskan angin taufan tu... PRRROOOOOTTT!!!!... fuhh lega... bergegar sikit meja makan dibuatnya... peh tak tahan aku bau dia power gila.. aku tutup hidung aku.. aku rasa bau dia ada sikit-sikit macam bangkai la.. mau mati bunga atas meja makan aku ni.. sambil tu aku sebut 'ahhhh.... lega...'. Adalah dekat 5 minit baru bau bangkai tu hilang.. Lepas tu isteri aku kembali dan minta maaf sebab lambat.. lalu dia kata 'SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!' dan suruh aku buka kain penutup mata aku.. laaa birthday aku hari ni le... camne boleh lupa ni.. Aku buka le kain penutup mata aku.. mulutku terus melopong... ALAMAK!!! Benda pertama aku lihat.. muka merah padam pak mertua aku, mak mertua aku, adik ipar aku dua orang, duduk keliling meja makan. Bos aku dengan jiran sebelah rumah rumah aku pun ada!!. ?

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Sunday, November 16, 2003

Malaysia Speed Traps Information 

SPEED TRAPS IN PERLIS, KEDAH AND PENANG

North Bound
*Around Ayer Hitam in 60km/h zone.
*Before Perwaja Steel.
*Sungai Petani junction.
*Between Seberang Jaya junction and Sungai Dua Toll.
*Penang Bridge at island end. Speed limit 80km/h.

South Bound
*Penang Bridge island end. Speed limit 80km/h.
*About 2km before Juru Toll Speed, limit 90km/h.


SPEED TRAPS IN PERAK
North Bound
*Under the bridge at 197.1km and 198.8km, after Kamunting Junction.
*Under the bridge at 204.3km, after Kamunting Junction.
*Under the bridge at 208km, before Kamunting Junction.
*Under the bridge at 214.8km, before Kamunting junction.
*Ipoh Vista Point at about 263km. Speed limit 80km/h.
*Under the bridge at 271km, Ipoh North Junction.
*Under the bridge at 274.4km, Ipoh South Junction.
*Under the bridge at 286.9km, Simpang Pulai Junction.
*Under the bridge at 296km, Gopeng Junction.
*Under the bridge at 352.6km, after Sungkai Junction.
*Under the bridge at 353km, Sungkai Junction.
*Under the bridge at 373km, Slim River Junction.

South Bound
*Under the bridge at 199km, before Kamunting junction.
*Under the bridge at 241.9km, at Kuala Kangsar junction.
*Under the sign post at 296.1km, before Gopeng Junction.
*Under the bridge at 297km, at Gopeng Junction.
*Under the bridge at 300km, after Gopeng junction.
*Under the bridge at 308.6km, after Gopeng junction.
*Under the bridge at 372.6km, at Slim River junction.

SPEED TRAPS IN CENTRAL REGION

PLUS North Bound
*Under a bridge at about 456km, Sungai Buloh junction.
*Under a bridge at about 459km, Bukit Lanjan interchanges.
*Under the overhead restaurant at Sungai Buloh.
*Under the last bridge before Sungai Besi toll at 309.2km.
*Under the bridge at 296.5km, Bangi junction.
*Under the newly constructed bridge at 289.0km, after Nilai North junction.
*Under the bridge at 286.5km, Nilai North junction.

PLUS South Bound
*Below signboard at about 454.6km and 455.2km, Sungai Buloh lay by.
*Under the bridge after Subang junction at 11.3km.
*Under the bridge at 22km, Bukit Lanjan junction.
*Under the bridge before Mint hotel, Sungai Besi Toll. 80km/h only!
*Under the bridge at 302.8km, Kajang junction.
*About 1km south of Bangi junction, both south and north bound outer lanes
*At 296.5km and 297km, Bangi junction.
*Under the newly constructed bridge at 289.0km, before Nilai North junction.
*At 285.5km and 285.8km, Nilai North junction.
*On center divider at 251.8km and 253km after Senawang junction.
*After Alor Gajah junction at 213.9km, next to water theme park.
*Behind the right hand crash barrier at 198.4km.
Elite Central Link East/North Bound
*On left hand side at 4.8km after Batu Tiga/Shah Alam exit
*Under the overhead restaurant at USJ/Hicom junction about 8.5km. 90km/h zone!
*Below the bridge before USJ/Hicom junction at 10.5km.

Elite Central Link West/South Bound
*Under the overhead restaurant at USJ/Hicom junction about 8.5km. 90km/h zone!
*Below the bridge before USJ/Hicom junction at 10.5km.
*After exit from KLIA toll to the airport, below Jalan Pekeliling flyover. 90km/h

NKVE East/North Bound
*300m before Jalan Duta toll, 60km/h!
*Behind crash barrier on the left when going toward Jalan Duta toll, at 24.9km, 80km/h!
*Below bridge at Damansara Junction, 17.5km

NKVE West/South Bound
*Behind crash barrier on the left when leaving Jalan Duta toll from KL, at 25.3 km and 25.7km, 80km/h!
*From Jalan Duta, below the bridge, 23km, 80km/h zone!
*From Jalan Duta, at the underpass at Sungai Buloh Y-junction, 22km.
*Behind crash barrier at Damansara Junction, 17.7km and 16.8km
*Below railway bridge at 11.2km
*Under the bridge at Shah Alam junction.

Kesas East Bound
*Under the bridge at 44.8km, downhill run after Puchong junction.

Kesas West Bound
*At Sungai Besi side of East Bound Toll.

Kuala Lumpur City
*Jalan Duta; below the flyover at the Damansara junction, 70km/h zone.

Klang
*Dual carriageway between Klang and Port Klang. Toward Klang direction, at about 13km milestone. 70km/h only!

East Coast
*Road sign at Karak highway is inadequate especially at Y junction; if you are unfamiliar, go slow.
*East bound, downhill run after Raub junction.
*Maran, 60km/h zone.
*Paya Bungor, 70km/h zone.

SPEED TRAPS IN JOHOR
North Bound

*No known location.

South Bound
*Tangkak junction.
*Under the bridge after Yong Peng

North junction
* At 97.3km.
*Ayer Hitam junction.
*Sedenak junction.

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